Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to you all!

Trent and I are in Florence at the hospital with Grandma and family. God has blessed us with three very good days. Grandma has made a huge improvement from Friday to Sunday. It's amazing and we are so grateful!

Love,
Jamie & Trent

Hello, 30!

Yes, it's true. The day has come.

Your baby is growing up...I don't look a day over 18...You remember when I was just a little girl...You used to change my diapers...I really didn't just graduate from high school...I really have been married for over two years...It's all downhill from here...Yes, I realize I'm old...Yes, I need to hurry up and start reproducing...It's official, I'm in the club.

I think that just about covers it.

For me, approaching the BIG 3-0 has been met with feelings of excitement and dread. Over the past year, I've alternated between feelings of exhiliration over the thought of passing through the 30 threshold and anxiety over what turning 30 entails.

Will I wake up with gray hair and achy joints? Will I suddenly be mature and calm-natured? WIll I receive all the answers of the world neatly wrapped up with a bow on top? Or will I feel a lot like I did when I was 29?

To be honest, with Grandma being sick, I haven't had a lot of time to think about the momentous occasion. I do, however, feel as though 30 is a rite of passage. I've learned a lot about life and myself in the past 30 years.

A few of my favorite sayings are "this too shall pass," "if God brings you to it, he'll bring you through it" and "happiness is the key to success".

I know I spent most of my life fearing what I absolutely love and that's being a wife. God has blessed me beyond measure with an incredible husband. Trent has brought so much happiness into my life. Now I love the idea of marriage, especially Trent's and my marriage. Knowing that I get to go home each night to Trent makes each day so much brighter.

I know difficult times in life tend to magnify the positive and negative traits in people. I know that true friends and loved ones are there without stipulation. I know that love is tough, but sometimes forgiveness can be tougher.

I know people come in and out of our lives for a reason. I know that we all have a purpose and it's up to us to figure out what that purpose is.

I know there's incredible power in prayer and when it seems that all hope is lost, God has a way of making everything better. We just have to learn to let go sometimes.

I've learned that if I wait 24 hours, chances are I can live without that new purse/pair of shoes/outfit/etc. I've learned student loans are worth it although credit card debt never is.

I've learned I don't have to have a lot of money to be happy.

I've discovered that being a puppy's mommy is a wonderful thing.

I know I can't wait to be a mother. I know I want to grow old with Trent by my side. I know I've been blessed beyond measure with incredible family members and friends.

I'm so lucky that I've been able to experience 30 wonderful years. Thank you for sharing them with me.

Love,
Jamie "Old Lady" Muldrow

Happy Birthday Trent!!

Happy, Happy, Happy Birthday to my incredible husband!! I love you SOOOOOOO much, Trent!! I hope 33 is your best year yet!

Love,
Jamie

Happy Birthday, Daddy! You're awesome!!

Love,
Bella

my angel in waiting

As most of you know, my grandma has been fighting her battle against cancer since August 2003. We found out the cancer returned earlier this year in July. It was absolutely devastating news, but not nearly as horrible as the news we received Friday.

Grandma was admitted to the hospital Thursday. She lost her balance and fell Wednesday night and when she awoke Thursday morning she was unable to walk. Her doctor ordered several tests including an MRI which revealed what we all feared: the cancer had metastasized.

Mom and I met with Grandma's radiologist Friday who told us that the cancer has spread to her brain. She has 15-20 cancerous areas on her brain. There is a large tumor that has bled into the surrounding tissue that is causing a lot of problems with her vision and mobility. She is unable to walk or move her left arm. A couple of days ago she could barely see anything. Now she's suffering from double vision.

Her doctor has her on steroids which seem to be helping with the swelling and edema caused by the tumors. He has ordered 18 whole-brain radiation treatments for the tumors. She started the treatments Friday and will continue them Monday thru Friday for the next three weeks. The treatments tend to cause dementia, hair loss, hearing loss and extreme fatigue.

I can't begin to describe the hurt and angst I feel, but more than anything, the anger. I'm so angry that this cruel disease is destroying the strongest woman I've ever known. I feel as though we keep losing Grandma over and over. I'm so angry that she can't walk or feed herself, but she's holding on to her dignity with every bit of strength she can muster. I don't even know who or what to direct this anger towards. I want to blame someone. I want to hold someone accountable. I want to stomp and scream out "it's not fair," but I know that illness never is.

Illness and death are hard enough to handle without the cruelty of cancer compounding the situation. It is so frustrating to see the cruelty of this disease. Grandma remains optimistic and strong which is certainly a blessing. I don't know how she does it. She is truly an inspiration to all of us.

(I love you so much, Grandma!)

Love,
Jamie